


Conflict resolution

by bobadeluxe



Category: Dungeons and Daddies (Podcast)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Crack, Dubsquared, M/M, Sexual Humor, Willy Stampler is His Own Warning, crack ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:01:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26428267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobadeluxe/pseuds/bobadeluxe
Summary: The castle reeks of rancid vibes. Something needs to be done about it, preferably without Barry having to get involved.
Relationships: Bill Close/Willy Stampler
Comments: 9
Kudos: 15





	Conflict resolution

**Author's Note:**

> Rated M for discussion of sex/crude humor, but there is no sex.
> 
> Additional warning is the canonical awfulness of o-daddies. There is not a graphic depiction of child abuse, but Willy speaks of spanking openly, as he is a dipshit. Barry's POV also just has a lot of unpleasantness that you'd come to expect with him.
> 
> Idk if it's needed to clarify that I'm just writing this for shit and giggles, and it's not because I wanna woobify them.

It's a beautiful morning. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and Barry feels like himself again in a long time. Lately, the negative energy in the castle has been affecting him. Barry desperately misses his support network back in Oakvale. The Feng Shui of this place isn't great either. Terrible, just terrible. Though of course one must not dwell in such thoughts, lest they poison their fragile mind. It's why youths these days have gluten intolerance all the sudden. Instead, Barry would say his current arrangement is.. _less than ideal_ , but he has hope.

Barry has _plans_ too, in fact. There are a few ways he can make this castle more hospitable or at least more tolerable. He just hasn't gotten around to do it yet. Barry doesn't have a lot of free time, now that he is taking care of five children. A lesser man would collapse under the pressure, but Barry happens to be a great father. (Magic helps a lot too.) Not to judge other dads' parenting style — Barry would _never_ — but it's no wonder both Willy's and Bill's children turn out to be a complete disappointment. His hen has been led astray, but back when he was young and didn't know how to talk back yet — he was _wonderful._ Barry couldn't be more proud of himself, truly.

Anyway, enough about what an amazing father he is! Now that he has finished his morning routine, (yoga, meditation, exposing his anus to direct sunlight, and a chia smoothie bowl for breakfast,) Barry is ready to take on the day. The first order on his agenda is to clean his crystals. Poor things have been absorbing a lot of negative energy lately, especially the black tourmaline, his protector stone. Barry didn't want to risk removing the negative energy while _he_ wasn't his bestest self, so he had to wait until today. He will put his black tourmaline out in the sun, and then properly charge it after it's cleansed. Wouldn't that be nice?

He thinks so until Willy literally kicks his door down and enters unannounced. Barry's heart leaps to his throat. He turns back to his black tourmaline on the window sill, and sees it _split_ in half right in front of his very eyes. The surge of negative energy in the room must be too much to bear. Barry clutches his chest, and gasps.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Willy, as always, is unaware of the tragedy that just occured in his presence. "You are supposed to be looking over the ingrates. Your grandchildren are causing a ruckus outside, and it's driving me insane."

Barry would argue that a slight breeze could drive Willy insane, but that's besides the point. Better not rile him up any further, for the sake of his own sanity if nothing else.

Barry suppresses a sigh. Being an empath is SO hard. "Of course, Willy. I'll give them a talking-to right away."

"You do that or I'll beat the brats myself."

Barry winces. "Now, there's no need for that kind of language."

"Fucking hell," Willy cusses. "Are you one of those wusses who don't hit their kids?"

"Well…" No matter what his opinion is on that subject, surely it's inappropriate to talk about it in that manner. Barry likes to see it as, say, a difficult choice. A regret. A sacrifice. "A positive reinforcement goes a long way, is what I'm saying."

Willy's eyes could pierce his very soul. If look could kill, he would already be buried under an oak tree so his remains could provide nutrients for the earth. 

"I'll use magic," he clarifies. 

That seems to please him. Willy's shoulders are down, now that the tension has melted away. He's still tense and rigid in other places, unfortunately. He must grind his teeth to dust in his sleep!

"What are you waiting for then?" Willy impatiently taps his foot. "Go!"

Barry gives his crystals one final glance, and reluctantly leaves the room. 

* * *

  
This can't go on any longer.

Barry can excuse the abusive behaviors, but he draws the line at breaking his crystal. He can't be the one to stand up to Willy though, because of.. reasons. He wants to minimize his exposure to Willy anyway, so it would be best if they have a mediator. A third party – oh, who's he kidding. It's Bill. There is nobody else. 

Barry doesn't know much about Bill Close, despite them working together toward a common goal. The man keeps his distance from others, and Barry gets a feeling that he's barely aware of where he is half the time. At first he thought it was a lingering side-effect of being brought to life, but now he knows Bill is just apathetic, and high. Mostly high. A man who has little regard for.. _everything_ couldn't possibly have any conscience Barry could appeal to. He attempts to anyway. Pours his heart and soul out, just in case he could get through the man's intoxication to his _soul._

Bill lies on the couch in front of him, looking bored and disinterested, but he's nodding along. That has to be a good sign. 

He did not expect Bill to blurt out a _shocking_ offer the second Barry pleads for his help. "I will suck his dick for sixty bucks."

Barry's jaws drop to the floor. **"Sixty bucks?!"** _Why is that the part he decided to focus on?_

"What, too much? I don't know how much the blowjob rate has changed in recent times, but I was paid well for being the only one in the retirement home without a denture."

"You did what in the.. nevermind that." Barry doesn't actually want to know. He may not be fond of these two, but he would like to look them in the eyes after this. "Aren't you.. ah.." 

"Am I.." Bill does a football throwing motion while still lying on his side. "Straight?"

"Yes. That. Are you?"

"Sixty bucks is sixty bucks," Bill says with a shrug. "Sixty gold, I guess? Is that a lot?"

"You can buy good armor with sixty gold pieces."

"What the hell would I do with armor?" Bill shakes his head. "Whatever. I will do it for free. I don't have anything else to do anyway."

"You _could_ help me with the kids." On second thought, Barry wouldn't trust Bill to take care of a plastic plant, but still. "I don't see how you performing fellatio on him would help my predicament."

"He's pent up. Nothing helps you relax like getting sucked silly."

"Why do I ask you anything?" His energy is just as rotten — if not more repulsive — as Willy! "Forget about this. I'm not.. prostituting you to Willy."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down. Who said anything about you being my pimp?"

"No one!" 

Bill smirks, amused that he finally gets a reaction out of him. Barry closes his eyes and does his breathing exercise. He can't believe he just raised his voice. Oh, think of his blood pressure.

Bill doesn't stop talking. Barry's obvious discomfort just eggs him on. "He reminds me of this old white man from the country club I've part-timed at."

"Oh dear." Barry is not comfortable discussing race, for reasons unrelated to the fact that he is white.

"He called me a – "

"I need to leave right now immediately."

"Buh-bye." Bill gives him a little wave. Barry is already at the door. "Don't come back for another hour or so."

Barry escapes into the woods for three days.


End file.
